I’m traveling at the moment. I decided to go for a run in the morning and asked a friend where to go. He told me there was a trail beside the river, and he pointed out the street I should take to get to it. He said, “Take this road and then go under the bridge. You’ll see the dirt trail on both sides.” As I ran, I found that the road he had suggested did indeed take me to a bridge, but that the stairs allowing pedestrians to go UNDER the bridge were blocked off (maybe for repair?). In order to get to the trail, I had to retrace my steps back over the bridge and try to take a side street that angled down to the river. I got lost and wandered aimlessly through unfamiliar bustling city streets for about twenty minutes.
I didn’t panic. I have been lost on every continent on this globe, and I’ve always found my way home. I just meandered until I finally stumbled upon the trailhead.
As I ran, I pondered being literally lost as a metaphor for my life at the moment.
Two things have happened in the post-quarantine world that have put me in transition. First, the brilliant Amanda came onto my team and took a load off my plate, and secondly, I took advantage of the shutdown of outside life to bring to fruition a major dream I’ve had for about twenty years (I built a yurt on a piece of remote land that used to belong to my grandparents).
With dreams accomplished and workload a little less heavy, however, I’ve had more time for running and thinking. What’s next? What should the focus of life and work be if it isn’t what it used to be? And just like today on my run, I’m not easily finding my way.
Thing is, I know I’m not alone in this wandering state I find myself in.
One of my reflections this morning as I ran was that it seems to me ALMOST everyone I know—friends, clients, family members, people I meet out and about—are asking the same “what’s next” question. For some people, it’s because of national or international events and the way they feel about those things throwing them into a sense that they need to change something. For others, like for me, the “what’s next” query is coming from more personal sources.
In my lingo, what’s happening is that whenever someone is in the in-between-what-was-and-what-will-be stages in life, we are experiencing what I call the “ashes” part of a Phoenix Cycle.
In many mythologies (such as Egyptian, Arabian, and Greek) there is a story of this magnificent bird—the Phoenix—which provides a symbol of renewal and rebirth. The massive bird, with wings spanning across the sky, is said to live a long life, sometimes extending hundreds of years. Then at some point, the Phoenix builds a nest of spices and twigs. And with great solemnity, she ignites this nest, engulfing herself in the flames of her own making. After some time, from the ashes of her fiery demise, a new Phoenix emerges, born anew and radiant as ever.
Recently, I’ve begun to think of the Phoenix story in relationship to the waves or the cycles of life. There is the burning up of one identity, the “ashes” of sitting and waiting to find out who you will be NEXT, and then brave attempts to fly again after some healing and gaining some clarity.
I’ve observed the life/combustion/ashes/flying again cycle in my own life (and in the lives of my therapy and writing clients) for years. I’ve found myself at times needing to walk away from relationships, jobs, living situations, and identities only to put myself in a pile of grey ash, confused about what comes next, until one day I can feel myself flap one, unpracticed wing. Eventually, I am in the air again.
Just like today when I got lost in a city I don’t know well but didn’t panic, I don’t panic when life seems to be emptied of direction and I’m sitting without clarity for an uncomfortable amount of time. I have a series of things I do to pass the time until I know what’s next.
In case you find yourself in the ashes, here are a three Phoenix Lessons journaling exercises to help you navigate this grey. Grab your journal and answer the following questions for yourself.
- What’s happening for you right now? I find there are 3 primary reasons someone might find themself in the ashes. Identify what’s going on for you.
- Do you need a new vision for your life after an old one has died or outlived its usefulness?
- Are you feeling the call to reinvent your life or parts of your life? What parts?
- Have public or private events left you feeling stuck/scared/confused? What happened? What are you feeling about it?
- The Phoenix makes her nest of twigs and spices before she blows it up. Make a list of what needs to “burn” in your life. Don’t hold back. What needs to go? Be honest.
- What are the dreams you don’t dare to dream? What’s so impossible you can’t let yourself want it? Write it out in detail. These are the pinfeathers for your new wings.
I always start here. Or, perhaps I should say, I AM starting here. I’m journaling these questions right alongside you. We can do this together.
Be of good cheer, dear reader. You’ll feel your new wings flapping again. Sometimes it seems like a dang long time in the ashes, but I know from experience… you/we/I won’t stay lost forever.
Join me for the full Phoenix Lessons experience. Starts in January.
